Introducing My Husband, the Schwabs
Posted by The Pisces Girl on Monday Jun 21, 2010 in Humor, Rants and Randomness
If you have ever seen the ESPN game show, Stump the Schwab, you know exactly who I’m talking about when I say the Schwab. For those who haven’t had the pleasure of watching the show, the Schwab is a portly, bearded, ESPN sport statastician god who plays against challengers in a nerdy battle of who knows more useless sports trivia. Round after round, challengers get eliminated until there is a stand-off between the top challenger and the Schwab. That’s when the show gets good.
While typically, I’d skim over anything related to ESPN, my husband is a serious sports fanatic who turned me onto the show. The entertainment factor comes in knowing that many have challenged the Schwab, but few have actually defeated him – this guy seriously knows his sports. I love it when he squints up his chubby face and puts his hands to his eyes, like he is having a hard time remembering an answer to a question. Of course, right before time expires, he spits out the answer, like he grabbed it from thin air. He pulls this move all the time. I can’t help but thinking, you just got hustled, sucka!
A double bonus comes in the form of the host with the lazy-eye and sassy attitude, Stuart Scott. He’ll give the challenger ten seconds to answer the question, but the Schwab a lifetime to do a full-on performance of Oh god, I just might not know the answer to this one, Stuart. Although the show no longer runs new episodes, every once in a while, the tv gods will perfectly align my channel flicking with a re-run. But I digress. The whole point of this is to introduce my husband.
With all the stories I tell, he is bound to come up, and for the purposes of this site, he needs an alias. He needs something sexy, something mysterious. Like Carrie’s Mr. Big of Sex and the City, he needs something memorable. The best that I could come up with was the Schwabs.
Okay, so maybe I bombed in the sexy department, but damn straight it isn’t memorable. Plus, it fits him to a tee. While the real Schwab may one-up my man in sports trivia, around these parts, my husband is the king of all things sports.
Want to know who is playing who and when? Call my man, he’ll know most of the schedules for football, basketball and baseball, college and pro. He also tries to keep up with golf, tennis, boxing and other random sports.
My husband’s sports knowledge doesn’t stop there. He knows more random factoids and stats than any other person I’ve known. How he manages to store all that information and still have room to remember all the “little things”-anniversaries, birthdays, doctor’s appointments and all the stuff that I don’t-is beyond me.
When I brought up the fact that he was going to need an alias on my blog, he had his own ideas about his online persona.
“What about Mr. Sexy?”
“Or how about, the Stud?”
When I suggested the Schwabs, his response was less than enthusiastic.
“Aww, you picked that name cause he’s a fat guy.”
Not true. I picked that name because the Schwab is the ESPN king of sports knowledge. My man just so happens to be my king of sports knowledge. He seemed to like that explanation a little better.
“Well, it’s OKAYYYY, I guess.”
I know he still isn’t in love with the idea of being called the Schwabs. But until he can give me a better suggestion than “the Stud”, the Schwabs is here to stay.
Stay tuned, for a possible new post on the horizon, “My Husband, Mr. Sexy”.
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